"Not Me" Monday

For the first time, I am going to participate in MckMama's "Not Me Monday," in which I write about all of the crazy (and marginally embarrassing) things I did not do this week.

First of all, I did not procrastinate writing a blog post this past week. I never procrastinate, so the idea that I might have put off putting some words down on my blog is ludicrous. Completely.

I also didn't have a Starbucks "Double Shot" every morning this week. And the week before that. I certainly wouldn't consume 220 calories of caffeine-laden goodness unhealthy beverage every day when I'm trying to lose weight. Of course, since I'm not currently competing in a weight-loss challenge at work, then it wouldn't be a big deal if I did drink it, right? But, of course, I didn't.

Furthermore, I did not think, after a week of being fatigued and nauseated every evening, "Uh oh, what if I'm pregnant?" I did not, with this thought in mind (because it wasn't in my mind, of course) take four home pregnancy tests that I did not buy at Dollar Tree while not hiding in the next aisle over from my mother-in-law who did not happen to walk in while I was not searching frantically for the tests, which the Dollar Tree staff did not, for some ungodly reason, decide to put in the checkout lane instead of with the bathroom/pharmacy/hygiene supplies.

And I did not breathe a huge sigh of relief when the test was not negative. Er. I mean, it was negative. I mean, I'm not pregnant. No, no, really! I mean it this time!

Whew. Where was I?

Oh, yes.

(By the way, the fatigue/nausea did, um, not happen to go away when I stopped drinking the Double Shots. Who knew?)

Anyway. What else did I not do this week? Well, I didn't take the whole bag (the. whole. bag.) of my daughter's chocolate goldfish grahams to work to have as a snack. I mean, geez. What kind of mom parent person would do something like that?

I also did not take a look at some pictures taken of myself on Saturday and realize my face does not look just like it did right before each of my children was born. Ohmygosh where did that second chin come from???

And with that in mind, I did not turn around on Sunday and have a chocolate milkshake, followed by four chocolate-covered strawberries, followed by two pieces of baby shower cake, followed by a Coke on the way home. And that was just my mid-day snack. Or, um, it wasn't.

I also most certainly did not chase my son around with the aforementioned second piece of baby shower cake trying to force bites on him so I could feel more justified in taking that second piece. After all, my son wanted some more cake.

Not me.

I hope you enjoyed my first "Not Me" Monday post, in which I did not go a little overboard in talking about all the crazy bizarre embarrassing perfectly normal things I did this week.

Er, did not do.